Tag Archives: funny

Freak Show Flies

I have so much junk in my fly boxes.  I have a collections of odd flies I have tied that have never been used, and unless I have a chance encounter with a trout that is fond of the works of Salvador Dali, it is doubtful that I will ever use them.  Most of these freak show oddities were tied at the end of a late night when I was tired; and it shows.  Flies tied with every type of material known to man, these missing links contain bits of Care Bear fur, Parakeet feathers, even some puffy stuff that fell off of one of my kids shirts.  Like I said, these things are odd.

But occasionally, when the fishing has been so exceptional that it really doesn’t matter if I hook another, I will tie on one of these flies from The Island of Misfit Toys.  And once in a very blue moon…one of them will actually catch a fish.

Case in point.  I was on a trip to the Nantahala Gorge in western North Carolina and the fishing had been epic.  Nearly every cast brought either a fish or a good natured attack. I had pulled the Nantahala Hat Trick (Brown, Bow, and Brook), and it was getting late in the day.  As with most trips that I take with my friends, the point in the afternoon had been reached when the conversation started to override the need to catch anything.  So, I tied on this ugly fly that was made with black Ostrich and hot pink marabou from a Barbie evening gown (the advantage of having three daughters) with a crystal flash beard and red rubber legs.  Honestly, it was gaudy and gross.  As I recall it was tied on a size ten hook.  No weight.

I couldn’t keep the Brook Trout off of it.  I guess they were trying to induce a mercy killing.  Strikes prompted by pity.  The fish hit it so hard, and so often, that by the end of the day it looked more like something that had been coughed up by a very sick cat than a fly.  As a matter of personal principle, I did not tie another one.  Actually, I don’t think that I could duplicate the thing.  Sometimes when you play Dr. Frankenstein at the vise, you only get one shot.

I have a few other knick knacks in my box that have worked quite well.  One is called a redruM (those who saw The Shining will get it) Black marabou tail, red wire body, black marabou at the head.  That fly saved me from getting skunked on the Caney Fork River two years ago, and later on that year it hooked the largest brown trout of my fishing career (26” but who’s counting).  People all around me were casting to these monstrous Browns with no success.  I cast maybe three times and got the hook up.  When they say that sometimes it is better to be lucky than good…they speak truth.

Then I threw together something that I called The Church Fly.  I really don’t feel comfortable saying I came up with this pattern because it no doubt has other names and I have seen variations on the theme in fly fishing catalogs from everywhere.  It’s nothing more than a soft hackle zebra midge using starling as the collar.  This fly caught fish for me on a day when no one was catching anything.  It was so successful that a gentleman came up to me on the river and asked me what I was using.  I gave him a couple.  He caught the heck out of the trout too.  Several months later my buddy Brad called to tell me that some guy was in his fly shop asking for Church Flies or if Brad knew how to tie one.  He laughed, told the gentleman that they were not a stocked item, but he was kind enough to provide the man with everything he needed to tie his own. Now my Church Fly is legendary, even if I can only take credit for the name. I first used it while fishing in front of a church on the Clinch River in East Tennessee.  Not very creative in the naming department, but, for me at least, it fits.  With this little fly I have pulled trout from nearly every tailwater in my area and in The Great Smoky Mountains National Park.  Proof is in the pudding.  I always have a bunch in my box.  The odd thing about this fly is that I have experimented with different types of soft hackle material and not one time have I caught fish on anything but the original.  If you are going to tie one, you must have Starling.  If not, you might be in for a long day.

A local angler has a pattern he calls the Smoky Mountain Blackbird.  He guides throughout East Tennessee and at some point in the trip, he’s bound to tie one on for his customer, and it isn’t often that they fish it without success.  This fly uses the same theory as the Church fly, but still a different and unique pattern of its own merit.  This gentleman is a master at the vise and he has created more original patterns than I could fish in a lifetime.  The Blackbird and the Church fly both use Starling, it is in the application where the two diverge, but the premise is basically the same.

T-Dub, one of my fishing friends, fishes with flies he has made up almost exclusively.  He will be catching fish like crazy and if you ask him what he is using, he won’t be able to give you a name.  There are beautiful little twists in his tying that make them his own.  The one fly that he has made legend is called the Pink Harlot and it is without a doubt one of the wildest looking fish attractors I’ve ever seen.  Hot pink, body made of glass beads.  Looks more like it should be hanging from a spinster’s ear as she sits in front of a slot machine in Vegas than in a mountain trout stream; catches some big fish though. He wisely maintains that as much pressure as the trout streams in the Southeast receive, you almost have to show the fish something it hasn’t seen before.  T-Dub is an exceptional fisherman and I have watched him take these flies and absolutely rock the socks off the river.

The purist in me wants to fish only with tried and true patterns that are tied with the utmost of skill; flies that have earned their place into nearly every fly box in the known world.  The purist in me wants flies that are proven and no matter where you are, if the water is cold and trout are on the prowl, you can take it to the bank that these age old fly patterns will work.

The Pheasant Tail nymph, The Hares Ear nymph, Adams dry, Blue Wing Olive dry, Elk Hair Caddis.  If you were to go right now to your fly box and inspect its contents, I would venture to guess that you have some form of each one of these flies in stock, and in a variety of sizes.

The Nonconformist in me however, loves to have fish in hand, spectator close by, and engage in the following conversation…

“Nice fish.  What do you have tied on?”

“Size 10 redruM”

“A what?”

It is at this point in the discussion that I free the fish and show the fly to them.  I have heard the following statement several times on the stream.

“What in the world is that?”

I now have several fishing buddies who have redruMs and Church Flies in their boxes, which is something that brings an odd feeling of pride.  It’s kind of like having a dog with three legs that is an expert at catching a Frisbee.  It is doing what countless other dogs do…it just looks a little odd in the attempt.

In a recent discussion with some friends about our fly boxes and what we use the most, I commented that if I could boil my box down to what I use the most, I would have nothing but Pheasant tails- weighted, unweighted, soft hackle, Sulphurs- soft hackle and comparadun, Zebra Midges, Church flies, Adams and Elk Hair Caddis and a few redruMs.  There are situations where I might wish I had something other than the aforementioned, but year in and year out I use these patterns more than any other.

I may, by this writing, imply that I am a traditionalist who does not deviate from the established form of historically productive patterns, but no matter what, I will always have the few odd balls.  Who knows, one of those unfished oddballs may someday get rid of a skunk or become a local legend.

Field Ingenuity Appreciated

Sending fly rods in for repairs and hearing the stories behind them is part of working at a fly shop.  After spending a decent amount of time behind the counter one almost becomes morbidly interested in how these fishing tools meet their demise. Some of the stories I have heard are exactly what you would expect.

“Broke this one fighting a toad.”

“The @!#$&! wind closed the door of my truck on it.”

“The window rolled up on it.”

“How long will this take? Because its my brother’s rod and he doesn’t know I borrowed it.”

“Dropped the boat anchor on it.”

Some admit their guilt, others claim their rod to be a victim of unfortunate circumstances, and others plead innocence possibly fearing accusations of neglecting their equipment.

I have never seen this one before and can only admire the ingenuity and perseverance of this rod’s owner. As I understand this rod was broken in the car door right through the middle of the grip. Not wanting to return home due to equipment issues the ingenious angler found a way to stay on the water. He started his repair by finding the perfect willow branch to insert into the halved rod blank. Then use tape from his first aid kit to secure the newly formed joint together for a day of fishing.

Never, ever, give up…

 

2011 “What The Shuck” Dealer Rendezvous Update #2

Fish, fish and more, well, other stuff. We all floated the Rio Grande and the river came into shape just in time. Saying the fishing was fantastic is a monumental understatement. The stones (multiple species), flavs, drakes and PMDs are coming off and the fish were looking up.

Here are just a few highlights and quotes from the trip:

“No PFD’s??? That sounds like time celebratory tequila shots” …at 10 AM.

“The Measure Net is only intended for fish.”

“He isn’t big enough to cover that grenade. He needs more surface area. Someone needs to take one for the team.”

“Why did the boat and trailer just pass the truck? So much for safety chains!”

“If I had anyone else in the front of my boat, I would tell them to tie on a brown stone and skitter it, but you should just do whatever the hell you want.”

In all seriousness, the event was great and the information that was disseminated was well worth the 8-9 hour drive (each way).  Simms has some great new products coming out next year, including, flip flops and the return of felt-soled boots.  If you get the opportunity to visit the Creede/South Fork area of Colorado, do it.  It is a beautiful area.

I got the chance to fish with some of the best guides I have ever met, like Mike McCormick from Wolf Creek Anglers.  Also Joe Delling and Mark Engler from Duranglers.  I never laugh as much as I do when I fish with Joe.  Also, Mark, for those that don’t know, is the inventor of the WD-40 fly pattern.  I have heard lots of rumors about what the WD stood for, but I wanted to ask the man himself.  He confirmed what I had heard, but unfortunately, I won’t be repeating it here.

I have got my trout fishing fix for a good while…now back to the warmwater.

 

 

Ten Questions with SA’s Jeff Wieringa

We sat down with Scientific Angler’s Jeff Wieringa and asked him ten questions.  If you don’t know Jeff, you should.  You probably owe a lot of the innovations in fly fishing to his mad-scientist type mind.  He is inventor of Sharkskin and the designer of the new Scientific Anglers waterproof fly boxes.  Jeff was the owner of JW Outfitters before being acquired by 3M/Scientific Anglers.  Enjoy!

  1. FW: Tell us about your start in the angling trade.
    JW:
    My real start was when I was 12 years old and I invented a device that put Zeks floating cheese on a treble hook and compressed it on so it wouldn’t falloff when you cast it . It was very simple made from a 30 cal bullet shell. (See image below). I called it the Master Baiter, I of course had no idea why my mother got so mad about the name. My real start in fly fishing was in 1989 when I designed and manufactured a line of packs, tying bags and pontoon boats under the name of JW Outfitters. That business grew very fast and after 11 years I sold that company to 3M/Scientific Anglers. This is where I still work to this day. I have spent 9 years in the lab designing and engineering products for Scientific Anglers. I now am the Business Development Manager for the business.
  2. FW: What can you tell us about the ideas behind coming out with sharkskin and textured fly lines?
    JW :
    While working in the lab at SA we wanted to try and make a fly line float better. I knew we had taken a line about as far as it could go with floatation with micro balloons and  AST. I started to research how insects are able to walk on water. There is where I learned that roughness can reverse the adhesive properties of water known as Meniscus Force. So the challenge began.I started trying to figure out how small of a profile I needed to emboss onto the line to start making a difference. After figuring that out I had to devise a way to put the texture into the line surface. Not easy. It took two years with dozens of failures and one day it seemed to all come together and I was able to build lines one after another with out any defects.Then all of us in the lab went out fishing the new lines and we were all in shock of how easy they cast, floated, roll cast and had low memory. That was the beginning of the Sharkskin revolution.
  3. FW: The afore mention lines are giving anglers a new advantage. Do you worry about any enemies you might have made in the animal kingdom? i.e gang of back alley tarpon or a posse of burly permit.
    JW:
    I am sure there are some that have an issue with the advantages that our lines bring. I cannot say if those are all fish or not. I did see a guy hook a gator once with a fly using our line.
  4. FW: In the credits of the movie Drift by Confluence Films it gives thanks to “jw and the lab rats at SA”.  Can you elaborate on who the rats are/ what they do at SA?
    JW:Sure, When you take on a project of this magnitude you have a vast amount of talented individuals to pull help from here in the 3M labs. We have PHDs and fish heads here. They (we) are affectionately known as lab rats. There is Del Kauss (line designer) Tim Pommer (product developer and assisted with the sharkskin development) Dale Wiehe ( chemical engineer for SA) John Stark (head lab rat) Bruce Richards ( rock star, line developer and probably one of the top 10 casters in the world) Brett Fortier ( assisted in Sharkskin development).So there is a full team here at SA working on lines, fly boxes and many other accessories. The producer of the movie Drift is a personal friend of mine and also worked at SA many years ago. So we sponsored him by giving lines to him and the crew to use during the filming. So he wanted to thank all of us here at SA.
  5. FW: Kenny Rogers, Kenny Loggins, or Kenny G? And Why?
    JW:
    Kenny Rogers is OK because he dated Dolly Parton. I wouldn’t listen to Kenny G because that is Dustin Carlson’s fav. It would have to be Kenny Loggins for “I’m All Right” from Caddy Shack, which is the best golf movie every made.
  6. FW: Scientific Anglers always seems to be on the forefront of new fly line design. What can you tell us about the development/ testing that goes into new fly line design?
    JW:
    Our lab is constantly working on fly lines. People would be in shock if they new how many lines we destroy on a daily basis. It is our number one priority to develop new lines continuously. This does not include new tapers and colors but also includes new compositions and surface technologies such as Sharkskin. It is important to remember that Scientific Anglers is the company that made modern day lines float with micro-balloons and to sink with tungsten. That is what the foundation of our mother company 3M provides us.
  7. FW: Can you confirm or deny any rumors that 3M might be involved in time travel?
    JW:
    We invented the time travel machine that was used in Napoleon Dynamite but abandoned the project for obvious reasons. That engineer is now developing a device that will be able to tie flys with out any humans involved. We will finally be able to sell flies that will be 100% machined tied. Just think we will soon be able to remove the word Hand from Hand Tied Flies.
  8. FW: What is your home-water?
    JW: I am from California and did almost all of my fly fishing in the Sierras. I actually combined my love of backpacking with fly fishing.
  9. FW: Random fact?
    JW: I hate liver, but doesn’t everyone? Afraid of clowns and mimes. I have been married twenty eight years to the same woman, Connie. Wish I would have bought Apple stock at $12.
  10. FW: Favorite Scientific Anglers product?
    JW: I think the old school System II reels are awesome. For current stuff it would have to be Sharkskin GPX or the new Mastery Textured Nymph for the new DRYTIP that we have incorporated in them. Actually all of our Sharkskin and Mastery Textured floating lines include the new DRYTIP improved technology. Another shamless plug is our lines now have SA ID which in short is writing on the line to tell you what model and weight the line is.

 

A special thanks to Scott “Scoot” Silvers for his help with this article.

 

 

First Sleepwalking, Now Sleep Fly Tying???

Doctors Orders: Take one Ambien (a sleeping pill with apparently some side effects) before bedtime and tie a fly while you sleep.

Apparently, I did just that.  I awoke to find this little size #18 baetis nymph in my vise.  Different from the baetis I normally tie, I vaguely remember dreaming about tying this fly and blending the dubbing to form the thorax.  Sure enough, the thorax is blended just as I remember in the dream.

Now, where did that entire ham that was in the refrigerator go?

 

 

Scoot realizes the results - knows he should have done it sooner.

More Non-Fishing Uses For Fly Tying Materials

With the craze of all the ladies putting feathers in their hair (see our recent post about this), we started thinking about all the materials we have in our fly tying department.  Our findings…the fly tying selection also doubles as a fashion gold mine!  As we stood looking at all the possibilities, we were overwhelmed with all good that we could do in the world, fashion and otherwise.  We thought we could take great fly tying materials and use them to improve a few unfortunate soul’s quality of life.  Here is a sampling of our experiments and case studies.

Case Study #1

Hillary, being a girl and all, has always had a bad case of mustache envy. She considered taking some heavy doses of hormones, but that could lead to some pretty bad side-effects.  A risk that she wasn’t willing to take.  Not to worry…we chose a nice  juicy patch of arctic fox hair and with the help of a little swax (fly tying wax), we were able to shape this beauty. The best part is how well the color matches her hair, it could easily be mistaken for her own.  A mustache this epic hides her smile, but you can see the happiness in her eyes.  Now she has to learn how to eat without leaving bits of food for later…

Case Study #2

Jason was tragically born without eyebrows.  We know, we know…tragedy doesn’t even begin to describe the pain.  We thought about drawing some on for him- a la Uncle Leo…”Woah, woah, no need to get angry.  I don’t care for your demeanor.”- but we knew we could do better.  He is shown here wearing our newly designed rabbit-strip eyebrows.  Now Jason, go out into the world, be proud and show it what you are made of!

Case Study #3

Lara has always been unable to get her ears pierced, due to a strange fear of straight sharp needles. Well Lara, you are in luck! From a distance, we can make a perfect cast and “pierce” your ear before you even know what happened.  “Most” of the time, we are dead-on with our cast and Lara was the lucky one.  Even better, we didn’t use a straight needle…our tool of choice was a size two intruder hook.   The question is, can we complete the impossible and take care of the other ear without any trips to the emergency room.  Enjoy your new intruder-style bling!

Case Study # 4

This may very well be our proudest accomplishment.  Scoot has always had trouble with his confidence, which translated into trouble with the ladies.  We couldn’t figure out what the problem was and after a few mistrials, we were pretty frustrated.  Like everything we do, we never, ever gave up.  Then…BAM…we got it!  Let us introduce you to the new and improved Scoot sporting our very stylish bucktail chest hair implants.  So natural, so long, so sexy…this did the trick and the proof is in the pudding.  He is now the talk of the town and life couldn’t be better.  Go get ‘em Scoot!

Just a few of the great things that can be done, right out of the fly shop. When you are ready to move up in the world, come see us.

 

I Totally Want To Throw Her For Muskie

The fly-tying-materials-in-your-hair-craze came front and center here today.  These very nice girls came by looking for hackles, flashabou and fur to integrate into their hair.  Much like a Tiger Muskie, they seemed to be attracted to the brighter, flashier colors.

We called all of our fly tying supplies and got promptly laughed at when we told them we were looking for long saddle hackles.

We advised the ladies to be careful if they went near any saltwater flats or the lakes with long fish.

When we said we wanted more women to get into fly fishing…this is not necessarily what we meant.

Let us know what you think…